Keeping at it
Here is how I was originally going to start this piece:
I’m doing this unfocused update because I’ve tried to come up with one coherent topic for a post but I can’t, and my instincts tell me to go ahead and post whatever comes to mind in order to break out of my perfectionism. So here is my stream of consciousness, which I will try to give some semblance of a structure to by putting bullet points to them.
Then I realized, after reading my bullet points, that they weren’t unfocused at all. They were all about keeping productive — how to do so and why it’s important to me. Here are my thoughts:
Keep it short. I’m the type to be daunted by any task, and what I’m increasingly relying on as an antidote is to keep my tasks short. Whether it’s the amount of time I dedicate to an activity or the quantity of final product I set as my goal, keeping things bite-sized lowers the threshold for getting started and thereby keeps me doing things. And sometimes, there’s no end game more important than that.
I am determined my thirties should be consistent and productive. The reason keeping going and active is paramount to me is because I feel that I wasted too much time in my twenties being afraid and indecisive, not getting started, or starting things and not finishing them. I need to prove to myself that I can be consistent and committed enough to see projects through to their conclusion. (And I’ve certainly not shared or accomplished all that I want to with this blog.) If it takes nibble-sized efforts for me to keep on task, so be it.
It’s about the best way to spend the present. It occurs to me sometimes that plowing away at my major projects — this blog included — is not even about building toward the future, it’s about how I can best enjoy the present moment. Yes, scrolling through my socials or watching Barbecue Showdown on Netflix for the umpteenth time may provide me with some enjoyment, but are they truly going to satisfy that deeper hunger that I have for intellectual stimulation and challenge? No. So I need to spend more time doing things toward my intellectual, aesthetic, career, and spiritual goals, if not for the having done, then for the doing.
It’s about reclaiming the centrality of self. To keep producing and putting things out there is a profound affirmation of the importance and centrality of self. It is a statement that I as the producer am more important than anyone who will be consuming my work. Although my audience is very dear to me, I cannot serve or inform or entertain them unless I’m assertive enough to say to myself, “I don’t care if this piece may disappoint some people; nothing will stop me from keeping going.”
We break free from our fetters one small action at a time. Writing this piece has made me feel so much better than before. It’s a tiny piece that took me thirty minutes to write, but the return on investment is astronomical. The new me that can write a piece when I don’t feel like it and publish it even though it’s not quite a model of perfection is a breath of fresh air. I feel like I’m growing past path-dependency and forging new and healthier pathways.
Thank you for reading! Please let’s connect and exchange! How do you feel about this piece? Any thoughts on the topic?